Busy silly seasons here

We had a BBQ friday evening, a birthday party Saturday afternoon and a house warming on Sunday afternoon. Lots of food the wrong types of food. I did indulge but not over over indulge. For me I think it comes back to reality and not starving myself of the "BAD" items as I would soon fall off the wagon. I have so far kept the weight off even thou it is not alot and am still be careful about what I eat. I have to admit I am finding exerciser harder to fit in at the moment and when school holidays start that time to exercise will lessen but I will be aiming to go on more walks and to the beach and places that force me to leave the house and walk and explore the city with the children. The following weekends do not get much easier in busyness but I am amazed how much easier I am finding going out to social things without anxiety well less anxiety and more acceptance of me and who I am. This has been the best thing so far out of this journey and it was totally unexpected I honestly expected for me to blog my food and my exercise and to keep track of how I was going I was not expecting the me to be found or the anxiety to lessen and for the ability to face social situations easier than I had in the past even only a couple of months ago. The changes are amazing I have had so many positive comments, my partner is amazed at the change in such a short space of time.

I'm still on the bandwagon

as to put it but have been busy with kids and get this going out walking and swimming. I'm still being good with food but put into perspective I am living life - so instead of eating a whole big bag of chippies while watching a movie I just have some. This seems to have made a difference, I was considering going back on anti-depressants but since exercising more and confiding in my sil I do not need to my outlook has changed and the saying a problem shared is a problem halfed is so very true for me. I'm so thankful to have such a wonderful family around me. My partner is wonderful he encourages me but isn't down on me at all. I am finding this journey to be amazing it's gone from me being encouraged by others on trade me to me finding myself again, finding how much I have shut down and out. This journey so far has taken me places I never saw coming - I can swim lengths and I can run the length of the park chasing the kids (I'm sure thats quite a sight) but these are things I hadn't even thought possible.

Money Money Money

We have had a small breakthrough. A family member owed us some money and they were in no position to pay it back and we weren't worried at all about it (was loaned about 4-5years ago) but they turned up on our doorstep with a basket of goodies and the money. Turns out they won some money and could pay it back - how lovely was that. We lent the money saying don't worry about it if you can't repay it they were adament they could and would at some point then randomly they have. So it looks like things are on the up and up.

Friday

I went swimming I got in my togs and went swimming. I went to the pool with my sil little did I know that she had planned to look after the kids while I swam and aqua jogged. It was so nice and I was capable of more than what I had thought I was. Food wise I brought a bran type cerial and some light yoghurt so thats breaky covered for the next few days. Lunch I had salad sandwich with slice of ham (was that shaved ham) - NO MAYO but a tiny amount of cheese but nothing like I would normally have. Dinner last night we had pasta - but I didn't I stuck with fruit and salad mixture, Jude suggested it make a salad and put apple orange sunflower seeds etc in as well (So had no tomato,egg, was lettuce and apple, orange etc) it was really nice I was so unsure about this I'm pleased it turned out alright.

thursday

I had a good day. I went for a walk with my sil and that was nice. I made good food choices too. I had a SMALL (big change for me) omelete with tomato, mushroom, peas, parsley and NO CHEESE another big change for me. Lunch was a salad with some cold chicken. Dinner was beef stirfry. I have drunk water and had 1 glass of coke thou.

wednesday

Exercise was better today. I went for a walk around the Avon river. I did an old aerobics video i had here. Food was ok as well. I had a savory scroll for bunch (long story went to drop children off and ended up staying which wasn't planned I had planned on home for breakfast) and then I had some fruit. We had sweet n sour chicken and vegies tonight healthy but delish. So all in all not doing too badly. I have felt better about myself too making these changes. I am slowly finding the old me which had hidden herself away and got lost. I think having children I lost my identity of who I was the Mum identity became me but who is she really cause there are Mums everywhere and none of us are the same. So now I am taking time to myself for walks, I am doing other exercise when I can and I am eating better. I'm not concerned if I loose little weight any longer it has become about finding me and becoming more confident and facing some of the things that plague my life like anxiety. So what a journey so far I'm so grateful that the Mums on Trade Me decided to start a blog and other people joined in which motivated me to do this......you all if you are reading this have been a life saver for me, I would have just keep on going being a hermit, closing the real me out and just absorbing myself in mundane things so thanks!

Tuesday

I'm feeling better today than yesterday but still not 100%. I have had some nuts, an apple, and maggi 2 minute noddles today. I did some step upthings outside for a couple of minutes after I hung out the washing. I will go for a short walk (30mins) later when my partner gets home. So still on track just taking it slightly quietier since I'm not feeling 100%. With me limiting what I have been eating and the slight increase in exercise seems to be working. Oh and the other thing I love is rhubarb so I have had a bowl of that in the evening last night and was careful not to add too much sugar when I stewed it up.

monday

today I have had a coffee, 2 biscuits, and a piece of fruit. I'm not feeling 100% and have spent alot of time in bed today with a sore tummy and headache etc. I'm not sure if it is me coming off coke and lots of sugary food or if it is a tummy bug thats going around. I'm still really focused on doing this but I'm not going to be walking today as am just not up to it. Here is hoping the water I have been drinking and the exercise I have been doing will have helped and today won't be a complete backslide.

Food

I have still been quite good with my food choices. Mind you this has now become a must eat what we have. We have gone from financially secure to tinkering on the edge this year through from choices of ours and some business stuff thats turned bad. We sad down and worked out the figures yesterday and lets sad Christmas feasting shouldn't be an issue. In fact Christmas will be small gift and lots of free trips to the park over the holidays I expect. I'm feeling better about that today but it has been quite a shock the turn it has taken and how far we sunk so quick. The savings and backup plans worked ok but due 2 circumstances at the same time went faster than we thought. So tightening our belts. I have heaps of baking in the tins and freezer - great for kids lunches not so good for me thou. Anyway back to food and exercise we went for a walk as a family which was fun. I will head again after dinner on my own as well for a proper exercise walk. This heat in ChCh has been so hot. We went for a waunder down the beach yesterday.
My scales are showing a slight loss (400gms) and my stomach has shrunk a cm. So things seems to be going well! Heres hoping at the end of a month I will have more to report.

morning my journal :o)

Today has been a good day. My sil has given me a trial membership at a gym infact she got 2 for us both so we can work out together, great support I have. Today I have had a kiwifruit, and an omelete for breakfast with tomato and a small amount of bacon! Alot better than my normal weekend breakfast (public holiday in canty). We are heading for a picnic with some family and friends not sure where yet maybe the groynes. Will make a make a big salad to take and some bread and sausies for the kids. So all going well and I am feeling encouraged with the support from my partner and my sil too. Heres hoping I can continue to work on this and at the end will be a happier, healthier, fitter person for myself and my family.

Food continues

I went for a walk once my partner came home was a nice hours break. However we had fish n chips for tea so I had a spring roll and chips. Today is the equilivant for Friday night as it's canterburys anniversary day tomorrow so not school etc.

Food diary

2 minutes noodles. 1/4 bottle of water. 1 orange. (i'm increasing my fruit/vege so Jude if you find this you'll be proud). and my bad is 1 can of coke (but thats better than a bottle or multiple cans which it used to be).

Todays entry

Finishing my food diary from yesterday dinner was a big plate of vegetable and fish.
Today I have been cleaning my house, well the kitchen/dining room from top to bottom it has been annoying me for some time. So that will give me some arm exercise and legs going up and down. I think if I can keep up the food side and watch nibbling and increase or should I say actually do some more exercise like walking and bike riding with some evil squats, nasty situps and hard pressups then hopefully I will feel more energetic and some of the strength I have lost physically will come back and maybe some toning and weight loss which would be totally great! I also think that if I can keep holding myself accountable then mentally I will grow as well - depression/ed feelings I hope will get less and I will get braver as well. By opening myself up slowly and carefully and thinking about me instead of just me coming in after everyone else I hope to change my opinions of myself and my attitudes as well. I hope I become me again.

A lovely day out

we went to the gardens and went for a walk it is such a beautiful day. My sister in law (we'll i'm not married but my partner and I are very committed to each other so I call her that) anyway we had a really good talk and I feel alot better. I shared some things about the way I felt and things that were on my mind and she didn't laugh them off she didn't reject me or think worse of me. Deep inside I knew she wouldn't but I still had the fear she might. She infact turned around and said about time there were lots of things she had noticed but she just stayed supporting me waiting to be asked and invited in. I'm so lucky to have her support she is a great friend. So todays food journal reads slightly better. Beef, lettuce and tomato sandwich for breakfast, I have had 1/2 bottle of water. For lunch I had a deli choice lite chicken roll from McD's. I have been for a walk and now I think I will do some exercises like step ups and horrid squats. If I do a little more all the time it has to help me overall I hope.

Yesterday

Well I finished the day with an omelet for tea, and to be 100% honest which is the whole reason for this journal journey I had 4 pieces of chocolate after tea and my partner brought home some apple strudel and cream of which I had some of that too. My biggest issue is if there is nice yummy treat type things in the pantry then I will eat them I can't seem to avoid it unless it is something that is unopened and if it will go off then I'll eat it unless it is part of a plan for a meal or something else. So I have been completely honest and as painful and as bad as it makes me look I will keep doing it, at the end of the day I am only fooling and hurting myself by hiding the truth. I'm hoping this honest approach will help me change something in my thinking, and routine. For me to change I have to look at what I am currently doing so i guess this is positive for me. I am going out with my sister in law today so hopefully that will help me being away from the snacking options in my pantry. This was planned to help me get out and change things I don't feel confident in myself to go out but with her it distracts me from the negative thinking. I heard on Oprah self confirmations the things where you talk to yourself over and over and over so I think I will try that for myself as well. I'm not sure where to start but when I work out what my first one is I will post it here. I intend on walking when my partner gets home and takes over the children so it will be run 2 lamp posts walk 2 lamp posts i aim for and it will be down quiet streets so I can't convince myself of what other people are thinking when they drive past. I'm not sure why other people matter so much in my thinking but they seem too.

yay yay yay

I managed to delete the horrid picture I had up. Took abit of tricking to delete the thing I tried remove picture and it didn't work but I have it now. I choose the new picture as I think I need to question if I need the cookie and cookie monster looks puzzled like he's deciding if to eat the cookie or not....but we all know he will + 100000's more.

Well here we go

I saw everyone else start one on trade me (I'm a lurker mostly username asr) so I thought I'd join in. I was looking for a cool pic and found one added it to my profile then though that was a dumb choice the whole idea is to going from big to small. But I haven't been able to get rid of it so I felt like such an idiot for having such a picture on there I avoided coming back and starting this blog. But here I am - enough days past feeling like an idiot.
I have an old set of scales which say I'm 74kg but there was 10-12kg difference between mine, the chemists, friends and the doctors so I'm really 84ish kg. I'm not that tall either 5ft 5. So I guess it's time to loose some weight and make some serious choices about where I am heading.

I nibble when I get lonely - which is quite alot. This is one of my big problems. I also like fizzy another big problem. And I struggle to journal food so I will attempt it here. I seem to have a lack of self in some form. I trick myself by lying to myself if I do a food diary I will skip things or else skip writing that day - stupid cause it only hurts me in the long run. I keep thinking I will do this form of exercise but don't follow through.

Todays food journal so far reads:
2 cans of coke. 1 savory scroll from the bakery. 2 small packs of m&ms. There you go it's 2.45pm and I have mostly had junk and this sadly is typical. This is what I need to change.
Exercise has consisted of a small bike ride - 10 minutes, some housework does that count?
and watching tele infact 3 hours (all saints I love and I had recorded an episode last week, then todays episode and then i watched another programme I had recorded too). Sad start but at least it is a start.