The date

Mr Delish and I decided with all the earthquake related stress and drama that we would go on a date. We organised a good friend to come take over with the children. We have not done this for so long. We walked and talked. We ate. We went where ever when ever for those few hours it was just us. The tragic aspect was no longer were the places we used to go available for us, Victoria Square, Valentinos or Cafe Metro. We didn't feel like Lyttelton or going to any bay over the Porthills. The beach was out.

Life is so very different and I guess it will be for a very long time to come. Lots of our familiar businesses will go, the change of the landscape and the fear will take along time to recede. But we are alive, physically uninjured, we have a roof over our heads (with tarpolins but it's a roof) we have food, water (even if we have to boil it), we have a chemical loo, and we have a future what a great gift that future is.

Peace and love
Abs

I had found secret blogging

you write and you do not publish! and then I started journaling again (hence no blog for a long time!) and I have loved the time I sneak into my room once my delish partner arrives home, I lay across the bed or under the covers if it's colder. I think and I write and I write what I think.

This blog journey was about weighloss but it morphed into me finding myself. My inner me that as a Mum of children had been forgotten and surpressed. I love to read, I love to write. These 2 things have brough me much joy in the last months. We have even started a book swap with friends. Such simple pleasures as coming together in an afternoon with all the children (seriously there are about twenty when we all get together!), having a coffee and some cake pouring over books. It's cheap, it's social and I am loving it.

Mr Delish as I call my partner has been so supportive of my new discovery of me, he loves the fact that I'm not that "grumpy cow" (my words) I was before, and that I now value myself, I do not have to be the one who does it all. Mr Delish's daughter has come to live with us, her school was damaged in the earthquake and now has to go to another one. The upheavial for her has been great but she's managed like a trouper. My blended family is for ever changing and I love how it works so well for us, that we managed as adults to communicate so well over our children. I look forward to the holidays together with his, hers, ours, his, hers, theres that are our family.

Well I had better get on with the baking, I found a recipe for crockpot bread so thought I'd give that a go, as well as some biscuits and slice for lunches this week.

Haven't been here for a while

well weigh in was 81.7kg so less than I started with at 84-85kg so I am steadily loosing weight even if it is not alot and not fast I am happy. These changes have had a huge affect on what I am eating and how I am eating but more so with what I am doing - i had got to the habit of cruising along my life the way it was heading not really enjoying it that much or almost just riding the current down the river. I am loving things much better the journey this is taking me on is working out to be a big change and I have found a voice again to say what I want and energy to enjoy things in my life more. I am feeling better about myself over all and have lost alot of the depressions type symptoms and also anxiety as well I'm so grateful for this journey. I hope to continue making small weight losses and get my weight down but I'm so greatful for the things that have changed and made my life so incredibly different and better already that weight was the issue of this blog but really it turned into this whole other discovery of self journey!

Busy silly seasons here

We had a BBQ friday evening, a birthday party Saturday afternoon and a house warming on Sunday afternoon. Lots of food the wrong types of food. I did indulge but not over over indulge. For me I think it comes back to reality and not starving myself of the "BAD" items as I would soon fall off the wagon. I have so far kept the weight off even thou it is not alot and am still be careful about what I eat. I have to admit I am finding exerciser harder to fit in at the moment and when school holidays start that time to exercise will lessen but I will be aiming to go on more walks and to the beach and places that force me to leave the house and walk and explore the city with the children. The following weekends do not get much easier in busyness but I am amazed how much easier I am finding going out to social things without anxiety well less anxiety and more acceptance of me and who I am. This has been the best thing so far out of this journey and it was totally unexpected I honestly expected for me to blog my food and my exercise and to keep track of how I was going I was not expecting the me to be found or the anxiety to lessen and for the ability to face social situations easier than I had in the past even only a couple of months ago. The changes are amazing I have had so many positive comments, my partner is amazed at the change in such a short space of time.

I'm still on the bandwagon

as to put it but have been busy with kids and get this going out walking and swimming. I'm still being good with food but put into perspective I am living life - so instead of eating a whole big bag of chippies while watching a movie I just have some. This seems to have made a difference, I was considering going back on anti-depressants but since exercising more and confiding in my sil I do not need to my outlook has changed and the saying a problem shared is a problem halfed is so very true for me. I'm so thankful to have such a wonderful family around me. My partner is wonderful he encourages me but isn't down on me at all. I am finding this journey to be amazing it's gone from me being encouraged by others on trade me to me finding myself again, finding how much I have shut down and out. This journey so far has taken me places I never saw coming - I can swim lengths and I can run the length of the park chasing the kids (I'm sure thats quite a sight) but these are things I hadn't even thought possible.

Money Money Money

We have had a small breakthrough. A family member owed us some money and they were in no position to pay it back and we weren't worried at all about it (was loaned about 4-5years ago) but they turned up on our doorstep with a basket of goodies and the money. Turns out they won some money and could pay it back - how lovely was that. We lent the money saying don't worry about it if you can't repay it they were adament they could and would at some point then randomly they have. So it looks like things are on the up and up.

Friday

I went swimming I got in my togs and went swimming. I went to the pool with my sil little did I know that she had planned to look after the kids while I swam and aqua jogged. It was so nice and I was capable of more than what I had thought I was. Food wise I brought a bran type cerial and some light yoghurt so thats breaky covered for the next few days. Lunch I had salad sandwich with slice of ham (was that shaved ham) - NO MAYO but a tiny amount of cheese but nothing like I would normally have. Dinner last night we had pasta - but I didn't I stuck with fruit and salad mixture, Jude suggested it make a salad and put apple orange sunflower seeds etc in as well (So had no tomato,egg, was lettuce and apple, orange etc) it was really nice I was so unsure about this I'm pleased it turned out alright.